Always Wear The Damn Heels
It’s the beginning of year 7. A brand new start for a young girl. Her form begins by taking a form photo.
Her form tutor says, “We’ll take three every year. Start of the year, Christmas and the end of the year so we can see how you all grow.” He says to get into height order so everyone starts rushing about and fighting over who’s taller. Trying to cheat by tiptoeing or insisting that someone’s quiff is giving them extra centimetres. She doesn’t need to do that. So she just stands as the first person in the back line.
The same happens at Christmas and in summer. “Maybe I’ll move down the line next year,” she thinks. Year 8 comes and the same happens again. It becomes her designated form picture spot. The first person in the back line. This happens term after term. Year after Year. She doesn’t even entertain the idea of moving down the line. She is ‘the first person in the back line’ until she leaves school.
I was that girl and many other tall girls around the world have also lived as ‘the first person in the back line’. This experience can leave many feeling resentful towards their height and growing up with low confidence. The average height for women in the UK is around 5’3 to 5’4, so for all of us girlies 5’9 and up, we can truly feel like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk.
But this coupled with the black experience? Yeah, completely different ball game. The stereotypes you get by being tall plus being a black woman make for a complex identity that takes a while to accept and be proud of: something that I’ve also struggled with. But many young tall black women are fighting off those stereotypes and loving themselves: even when the world seems to tell us not to.
Most tall women’s first experiences of disliking their height starts in school: where all the good insecurities start. Osenke Ohiwerei, 19, a uni student, grew up in a tall family where she was the shortest. It wasn't until she got to school that she realised she was tall.
She says, “I had a teacher at school once call me 'Bones' because I was really tall and lanky and [he] couldn’t remember my name. So that’s what he used to call me."
This is especially intensified for tall black girls who are also battling against microaggressions in school. “I remember at school having misunderstandings with people sometimes and it would be assumed that I was the one in the wrong.”
Osenke says, “I feel like sometimes people think you're aggressive or argumentative because of your height and your race and the combination of those but I don't think that is a fair assumption to make about someone, or that is reflective of their personality.”
India Lott, 22, is from the US and described the mix of stereotypes that she faced. “The teachers would be telling me, ‘You don't play basketball? Have you considered joining the basketball team?’ Because I was tall. Then you have the other kids thinking that I should play basketball because I'm black.”
This also extended to other negative stereotypes. She says, “People already see black women as loud, aggressive, etc. It's like being tall kind of made that worse because you're already seen when you walk in. Everyone’s eyes are going to turn to you, especially if you're the tallest or one of the taller ones there.”
There is also the very wrong assumption that tall women are more masculine due to society associating height with masculinity. Gift Relates, 23, working in aerospace, described a specific incident.
“I was talking to a mentor or just someone in church. We had never met in person. And then when I met her, she was like ‘Gift, how are you taller than me? You give like 5’5” energy. Like short, cute girl energy,’ and I'm like, ‘So what does a tall girl give?’”
She also explained how this societal view affects women in dating, with many men preferring shorter women. “Yeah, I say [I'm] 6 '4", because I want to see their reaction.” Gift is actually 5’10”.
“A lot of guys are like, 'That's fine. I don't mind your height'. But if a guy has a bad reaction to it, and one time a guy did, I stopped talking to him. Because I need a guy who just likes tall girls in their whole entirety.”
She continues, “If anything, it's not a reflection on me, it's a reflection on a guy, how he views his masculinity and how he sees himself. If you need someone smaller and shorter to make him feel more of a man, then that's his own [issue].”
Ultimately, everyone grows to love themselves in different ways. India runs a podcast called ‘A Tall Girl’s Podcast’ which covers self confidence tips for tall girls and the different issues they face in the world.
“It wasn't until I started this podcast, when I actually started liking my height and realising, like, this is actually like a great thing. It's a cool thing.” She says the sense of community really helped her. “It was like they understood my struggles. And it's like, wow, I've never had this before. I feel seen, I feel heard. I feel welcome even.”
Source: @Mohamed_hassan on Pixabay
Source: @Mohamed_hassan on Pixabay
Source: @elsimage on Pixabay
Source: @elsimage on Pixabay
Source: @elsimage on Pixabay
Source: @elsimage on Pixabay
Source: @satheeshsankaran on Pixabay
Source: @satheeshsankaran on Pixabay
Inside a young tall black woman's closet
Inside a young tall black woman's closet
There are women who are redefining spaces for tall women in the fashion world. 27-year-old Emily Dewbrey is the founder of Hautier UK, which is an online marketplace holding brands only for tall women. Emily is 5’11” and wanted to create an ASOS like marketplace for tall women due to her frustration with the high street shopping experience.
“I wanted to create a space that people can feel confident, valued, seen, and a sense of community as well. I'd rather talk about affirmations, confidence building, and positive things over the negatives, really.”
Hautier has been around for almost a year and has 14 brands which are all owned by other tall women. “I think it's a lovely space to be in when you realise that the people making the clothes have the problems, so they truly understand what they're working towards.”
She described her most memorable moment so far. “When that first sale came through, I remember I did actually cry. Because I thought, 'My God, some lady out there, who is tall and has been looking for a tall brand, has found me and purchased a piece of clothing'. That was a very proud moment for me.”
Emily also has plans to expand the range of brands on the site. “My dream situation would be a Covent Garden pop-up. I would love to do a pop-up with all my brands there. We invite tall women from across the UK to come in and see all the brands. Made for tall women in one place. It is Hautier in real life. I hope that comes to life one day.”
Despite all the positives that Hautier has created for tall women, Emily still hopes for better for tall women’s clothing. “Because we [tall women] exist. It's not like we're not around. You're here, I'm here. I've got brands on the website, I've got customers. We're here, we just seem to be very overlooked.”
Through social media and positive role models like Zendaya, Anok Yai, and Megan Thee Stallion, more young tall black women have been embracing their heights. But there is still a bit to go for society to catch up to us.
“They can't ridicule or make fun of something that you've embraced,” Gift says. “I think it's about us and how we look at ourselves, how we speak to ourselves. We don't need to conform to what people say. You need to walk with your head held high and just embrace it.”
And I agree.
We should always wear the damn heels.
